As I stood in the middle of a London cocktail bar years ago, watching my boyfriend kiss another woman, I remember thinking “what I would do to erase this memory forever.” At the time, if I had known that scientists had created a new drug that is capable of erasing painful memories from your mind, I would have raced to the nearest chemist and swallowed a whole damn bottle of them.
According to recent news reports this ‘memory blocking pill’ could be on our pharmaceutical shelves within the year. Despite it being created to help people suffering with post traumatic stress, it got me thinking if I could, would I erase an ex from my past?
Like all women I have a handful of good (and not so good ex’s.) Some relationships I can look back at and smile fondly, whilst muttering wistfully “we were so young and innocent.” Others, I can feel my blood boil at the mere mention of his name. If someone had offered me a pill a couple of years ago to erase grotty memories or awkward sex moments then I’m sure I would have gulped it down in one. After all, who wants to remember the time when the sex was so bad that you should have been awarded an Oscar for your ability to fake orgasms? Who wouldn’t want to erase those memories when a man who claimed to be a stud in bed, actually turned out to be something more akin to a teenage boy playing with the buttons on his computer game?
I’m sure I’m not alone when I saw I have an ex boyfriend I’d love to delete from my memory banks forever. No more shuddering when you remember him naked, or the rows you used to have when he’s eye up a buxom blonde in a bar. Why, if we didn’t need to, would we let these memories live on, terrorising us at any given moment?
But then I thought back to the boyfriend who kissed someone else in front of me. Sure, at the time, whenever the memory came flooding back , I felt as if someone was torturing me a la Jack Bauer.. The “kiss” played on loop in my head, making me feel nauseous, venerable and in need of a Kleenex contract.
But would I take the pill now?
No way José! Because when I think back to that moment now, at worse it feels like a distant memory, and at best? Actually rather empowering. After all, despite having to live with that horrific memory, things actually turned around for me. The ex realised what he had lost and begged me back, and I – thankfully – having seen how much he could hurt me, refused . I learnt from my past experiences. Those memories have made me who I am today.
So in a sense, a memory blocking pill just might not be worth it. After all, memories –even the bad one – teach you something. So what is the one thing I have learnt from all of my bad ex experiences? It’s simple:
Don’t ever think of an past relationships as a mistake. After all, you learn something from every man you date – even if it is just how to give an Oscar winning performance when faking an orgasm!